megan

worst support website ever.  period.

don’t bother to respond, losers.  i look better than you fat than you ever will skinny.

So today was my first day of starting over again.  I ate really healthy, and although I didn’t exercise, that’s OK in my book for today.  My booty was at work at 4:30 am for 12 hours, and I PASSED OUT for a nap the second I got home.  I was hoping to get the new tennis shoes to work out in after work today, but I’m not going to beat myself up over not doing it, considering my body’s not used to getting up at 3 am.  I only have to do it 2 more days and then life should be more back to normal with a more reasonalable work schedule.

Today I ate:

-Bagel with a much smaller amount cream cheese than I’d usually slather on that bad boy!

-Pineapple

-Lean Cuisine

-Fresh Bing Cherries

-Apple

-Tuna Salad w/ corn, relish and 1 TBSP mayo

-Lite Veggie Soup

-A lot of water

There were times throughout the day when I was hungry.  But just like someone blogged earlier today, I am trying to stop thinking of this is a sign of deprivation and more a sign of “Under Construction!”

Now how do I ignore the evil voices in my head that say “You’re so hungry.  Screw this.  Eat something.”  or “Taco Bell sounds soooo good.”  or “Now that I’ve even lunch and don’t feel as full as I’m used to, I should just go to Jack in the Box for a chicken sandwich.” 

These voices are the hardest thing for me to ignore.  I really want to learn how the pros, and amateurs out there, resist the temptation.   Please, please help me!

Has anyone tried alli? I read it’s fairly safe and the biggest side effect is uncontrollable bowel movements! Yikes! Sounds embarrasing but apparently if you eat low fat it’s not an issue. I’m thinking about using it with diet and exercise. Any reviews?

It’s been quite a few months now since I have truly given up on weight loss.  I have been eating whatever I want, although I also do take measures such as portion control and eating plenty of fruit to make sure I don’t keep gaining.  I haven’t, however, stepped on the scale in a good, oh…. 3 months probably… so who knows what it says?  I think I’m about the same weight as when I started before based on how I feel and how my clothes fit. 

 But… just to slap myself into reality here real quick… I first signed up in August.  It’s been about 5 months.  Even at just 10 lbs a month…. I would be down 50 lbs by now!  That’s a lot of weight and could have been very realistic!

 I really have to give a shout out to Nancy on this site.  I don’t even think she knows I read her blogs, but my Lord that girl is motivation in a bottle to me!  The excitement!  The determination!  The RESULTS!  I want a picture of my skinny belly in skinny people jeans like she has!  

 I saw a recent picture of a really cute, skinny cheerleader I went to high school with.  She has gained a lot of weight.  I looked at her body and realized we have very similar bodies in some ways now.  She and I both have thick arms…. and their too short for their width.  I dunno, I’m probably digressing here, but I just saw her in me.  I wonder if she’s comfortable being heavy or terrified of some pictures like I am?

There’s nothing more humiliating than going to a reunion of some sort and knowing everyone is noticing how much weight you’ve gained.  I wonder if the skinny cheerleader from high school feels this way, as I very much did at my friends wedding a few months back.

I am not starting today, and I really need to step back and come up with a plan of attack on how I am going to do this right and stick to it.  And as much as I LOVE buddyslim, I need to use it in a much different way than I did before.  It became a social networking tool for me before, and that’s not OK.  This time around, I need to remember what I’m here for. 

So I guess here’s to a second go… because we don’t all succeed the first time.  And isn’t the old adage you really only fail when you quit trying?(or something like that?!) 

 Step 1: Tomorrow morning, I have a date.  With the scale.

12 hour days.  30 minutes commute.  On my feet all day.  My work day is kicking my arse!  Why couldn’t I be a trust fund baby dammit??

I just got a call from my manager’s manager, and she called to congratulate me because I had been nominated for a marketing reward at work.  Basically, an account started using us much more often after I had spent time marketing there.  Well, this is a nice honor, but guess what the reward is?  Dinner, with all my coworkers, at a restaurant in Seattle.

 Ok, that may not sound bad.  But let me just go over the reasons why I HATE this reward for doing a good job.

 1)  I am trying to lose weight and now I’m going to eat a dinner.

2)  I have to dress up in my work clothes on my day off from work and rub elbows with the big wigs.  It’s basically just more marketing and work on my weekend!

3)  I have to commute 30 minutes each way to go to this dinner.  In my car, using my gas.

I am glad that I am doing well at work, but seriously, this is a stupid reward in my opinion!  I would prefer the recognition in the form of just an email sent to coworkers with my name in lights or a gift card if you want to spend money.  But please, don’t pull me away from my family and my home on my day off from work.  And by the way, saying I can’t go without a legitimate reason is a big no-no. 

Today’s official weigh-in proved that once again, I only lost a pound.  Geez, I am OK with slowly but surely, but seriously, can we push things along a bit here???  LOL

 I admit it… I am definitely to blame when it comes to my slow weight loss!  I don’t exercise as much as I should and I eat some things that I shouldn’t.  On the plus side, I am still losing!  But I am now at 7 pounds….. 3 pounds this week would put me at a 10 pound weight loss…..

 And I want it!!!!

So seriously, as of today, I am moving out of the Slowsky’s house (have you seen those commercials with the turtles… haha…) and I am moving in to… um… ok I don’t have a good metaphor, but I’m losing three pounds this week, dammit!

It is Saturday morning at 9:30 am.  My boyfriend and I just got up from a good night’s sleep, and today I have 2 things planned: 1) We are going to the Seattle Aquarium.  2)  I have a haircut appointment at 4:00. 

 I would like to go ahead and leave here very shortly for the aquarium because I don’t want us to feel rushed at the aquarium by my haircut appointment later in the day.  I told my boyfriend this, and he did the same thing he does every time I try to plan or schedule: He gets super defensive and tell me to stop controlling him!

I am not trying to control him! It’s rare that he and I actually do something together like to go an aquarium.  I am looking forward to it, but he thinks me trying to get him out the door at an early time is me being a “control freak!”

How am I supposed to plan life if he thinks that it’s controlling?  I know that my boyfriend isn’t all too excited to go to the aquarium, and he’s going for me more than anything.  But seriously, do we have to sit around here half the day before we can go?  He’s not doing anything right now!

I am so frustrated with him right now I could scream!

I am a cry baby.  Literally.  Put on a commercial with dogs in a shelter and I’ll switch the channel to avoid welling up.  Take me to a kid’s school play or presentation and I’ll be in tears in seconds.   Do something heartless that hurts others and I’ll turn on the sprinklers in two seconds flat.

 Being a cry baby has its pluses.  I have never been accused of being cold-hearted.  I know that I care about others, and have a special spot in my heart for animals. 

 But mostly, it’s just a big fat pain in the ass.  It’s embarassing!  While others are watching “The Bucket List,” dry eyed, I am sobbing away that two old buddies are about to, um, kick the bucket.  Turn on a picture slide show with some music, and I don’t care if I know you or not, pass me the Kleenex.

This cry-baby syndrome is a huge burden at work.  Today was the third time in my 1.5 years with the company that I have had to leave work because I was crying so hard that I couldn’t stop.  It’s embarassing and I fear that it hurts my chances for promotion in the future.

I work for a large rental car company.  For this company, I work on site at a high-end dealership, renting out high-end vehicles.  (Apologize my vagueness, but I’ve heard of people getting in trouble for name-dropping companies they work for in a bad way on the Internet, and trust me…. you’ve heard of both companies.)

Working in customer service, I have gotten a thicker skin about getting yelled at by pissed off people.  I’ve actually learned to handle it pretty well… diffusing the situation, solving the problem and killing them with niceness.

Today, however, was a new situation.  It wasn’t a customer yelling at me… it was the CFO of the dealership I work at.  I had said something to a customer that displayed her company in a negative light and she didn’t like that.  Basically, without boring you to death, the dealership had promised to pay for a customer’s rental car, and when the bill didn’t get paid 3 months after the rental car had returned, it had once again become the customer’s responsibility to pay since the dealership hadn’t paid.  And while I was charging the disgruntled customer, I explained this to him.

He, in turn, he asked the dealership why they didn’t pay.  No biggie.  This has happened before with other accounts.  But this time, this evil bitch from hell decided to literally yell at me and attack me verbally because I had matter of factly told the customer why the bill was his responsbility now.  She was angry that I gave this customer the impression that her fancy shmancy dealership didn’t pay their bills.  (Even though they didn’t….)

She was so mean to me, along with a service advisor at the dealership who has been nice to me for the past 10 months and suddenly turned on me today, that… you guess it…. I cried.

The tears started and then I couldn’t stop them.

 Truth be told,  I hate working.  I think I’m too fragile for such harsh work environments.  Laugh at me if you wish, but my real wish is to be a stay at home mom.  I don’t even have kids, but this is all I want….

 I don’t know if I should quit or keep on truckin’.  My manager was wonderfully supportive of the situation… she told me to go home, and she paid me for the rest of the day.  She also went over and let that mean lady know the next time she has a problem, to speak to her, the manager. 

Why are people so mean?  And why am I so emotionally weak???

I am so excited for this week.  I have a wonderful new group on the forums called the Pink Ladies and I am looking forward to getting to know my teammates better and whooping their butts in next week’s weigh-in! ;-)  The team is one I created so I’m proud of myself for that, and it focuses on being a small group.  It is filled to capacity right now.  I wanted a small group so each member is very important and we all hold eachother more accountable that way.  There are seven of us and there are some really inspirational girls on the team that have lost a LOT of weight! 

I think my new group has given me a new kick in the pants.  I’m so motivated.  Today I am going to go grocery shopping and am so excited to get lots of fresh fruits and veggies at the new organic supermarket.  Organic fruits and veggies just taste soooo much better.

Although our group is filled to capacity, if you are interested in joining a small group, I’d encourage you to make one.  I found a lot of interest in a small group right away.  The hard part of keeping the group small will be telling potential interested people that we have no room, but the founding values of the group are keep it small! (Like our waists, hehe)  I will definitely start a waiting list and that way if anyone is interested, I can contact them if a spot becomes available.

Besides the grocery store, today I am hoping to buy a new dresser for our bedroom.  I just finished a big old clothing project and Alex and I definitely need a dresser for all our clothes!  I’ve contacted a few people on Craigslist today who have dressers for sale.

Also today, my dog Sage will be very happy because she’ll be going to a nice long walk later.  Have a great day everyone!